Getting to Know Me and My Family
Sunday, June 13, 2010 at 5:09am
Dear Friend,
I just want to share this to you. I wrote this to a friend who wants to know more about me. And I guess you deserve to know more about me as well.
Here it goes...
I believe that in friendship, getting to know each other is the basic element of building it strong and making it fun and exciting. I guess I should introduce my family to you. I grew up in a very simple family. My father is a driver and my mom is a domestic helper. Both of them are care taker of a "Christian Chinese Church" in Manila. They both have a simple abode in the church where the raise their children. I'm the eldest and I have 2 brothers. I salute my parents for sending us to good schools that's why our values and spirituality molded us to become tough amidst life's challenges.
Sending me to college was the hardest thing for my parents to do. So what I did, I applied for a scholarship and I was able to make it for 2 years. And the rest, I was a working student. I studied in one of the famous universities here in the Philippines which is University of Santo Tomas. It was founded on April 28, 1611. I took up Bachelor of Science in Business Administration.
After my scholarship has lapsed due to my grades went low, I became a Private Tutor for academics and piano lessons. I took that career for 10 years. I love teaching so much and I love kids so much. But I got burned out teaching so I switched career as a Call Center Analyst. My first Call Center job was with American Express. I was in Collections as a Credit Analyst. Then I went with Federal Housing Aid as a Supervisor for 6 months. It was a finished contract so I am now with Stellar Global Solutions Philippines as a Communications assistant. I'm in my 5th year working in a Call Center Industry.
I got married on Oct. 19, 2001. I gave birth to my first daughter on Sept. 1, 2003. My husband was diagnosed with colon cancer stage 3 last July 4, 2010. Upon know that he has a colon cancer, I never gave up on him and never stopped praying for his healing. Our married life was tested and I can say that we were able to overcome all the humps and bumps. We experienced having nothing left in our pocket to buy for his medications. All we got is a "praying hand" and "bended knees" to kneel down and ask for God's provision, guidance and comfort.
My husband's immediate family were not supportive in terms of taking care of him physically. They lack support in LOVE and CARE in which my husband was disappointed about it. During the days when he was sick, there's no one from his family members nor relatives visited him in our house just to check on him if he's ok. It was just ME and my family helped him overcome his PAIN and SORROWS. After his hospitalization, he went back home in September 2009. He got disappointed and loose his drive to fight his cancer when his relatives didn't visited him last Christmas of 2009 and they didn't even visited him during his birthday on Dec. 29, 2009. So he asked me, "please bring me to my father's house in Marikina. If they can't afford to visit the sick, I will visit them who are well and healthy". His statement was strong and full of regrets. So I acted upon it immediately and sent him to Marikina as he requested last Jan. 14, 2010. I went with him, packed my things up to stay wherever he is so that I could take care of his needs. At this time, his cancer cells became inactive and he was able to gain his strength. As a matter of fact he hasn't got fever anymore after the hospitalization because the "herbal" medication worked well for him.
He has an open close surgery. Doctors just opened his tummy and closed it back because the "mass" was too big to be removed. He will not be able to make it if they would remove that mass. So the doctors made a colostomy on his tummy (where he used to discharge feces, an opening where part of his intestines was taken out to discharge bowel). I used to clean his colostomy regularly. I have to check on it on a daily basis. His daily routine was going to the bathroom more often at night so as to discharge he has eaten during the day. Even he was sick, I never stopped going to work as it is our bread and butter and I need it to support his needs, to pay our bills and to send our daughter to school.
The toughest role I have to perform was to balance on how to be a mother and a wife. But honestly speaking, I was never a mother to our daughter. It was a WIFE all throughout the days when he was suffering from his cancer. I asked help from my parents to watch over my husband when I'm at work. Then after work, I have to rush to the market to buy organic food to feed my husband as we are following the WELLNESS treatment rather the chemo therapy. Then I will prepare his meals, prepare his herbal medications, clean his colostomy, talk to him in a daily basis with what's happening (maintaining my composure to become tough), have good laughs with him, sing to him his favorite Christian song (Still: by Hillsongs) and prayed with him especially when PAIN would attack him badly. Then, after making sure that he was ok and my daughter has eaten and have done her school works, that's the only time I can sleep a bit.
After the POWER NAP, I then go to work, rush back home, do the routine chores and so on and so forth. For 7 long months that was my routine with the help of my parents, my brothers and my sisters in law. He was never neglected and we all experienced doing extra mile efforts for him. Every time he went to the bathroom, somebody has to be aware to see that he was ok even though he can manage to do so.
But on our second day of stay in Marikina, right after work when I got back home he was crying and asked me to buy him adult diapers. I asked him why. He said, "my sister and my dad said that I was disturbing their sleep at night every time I go to the bathroom. Mimi said that you should buy me adult diapers so that I will no longer go the backroom more often at night and I will not disturb their sleep anymore".
He was not bedridden, he can manage to walk around and yet his sister recommended an adult diaper for him. But that's what he hated most - to wear an adult diaper. Because he doesn't want to feel bad that he can no longer do things normally. What I did, I just comforted him and tried to turn things upside down. Turning bad moments into something BRIGHTER to look at. I comforted him with these words: "Dadi, don't worry you will only wear diapers when I'm not around. But I will make sure that you don't use diapers when I get back from work. Aren't you glad wearing diapers? It will save your energy in going back and forth in the comfort room. You are going to use that energy to walk with me in the morning when I got back from work." He liked the idea and was very excited to look forward to seeing me home to walk him around in the garage.
Knowing that he is a cancer patient, he is prone to being sensitive emotionally. He regretted so much and got disappointed when his own flesh and blood can't give him the kind of love and care that my family bestowed upon him.
One week has past during our stay in Marikina, dadi Marlon refused to eat anymore and didn't want to talk anymore. He refused to walk anymore and he kept on staying on bed all throughout the day. This is when I worried so much about him. Because, every time I would go to work no one is left to watch over him. His dad wouldn't check on him and his sister would not change his diapers either. As to whatever reason, I never dared to ask why. The only thing I know is that, I am here to help my husband nothing more ... nothing less. There's no room for me to argue with anyone, question no one, and hate no one. Any negative reactions would affect my husband as well. So, I just prayed so hard to give me strength for my HEART to continue LOVING, for my mind to keep on UNDERSTANDING, for my hand to keep on HELPING and for my soul to keep on LIVING.
And on the 2nd week of January, he was hospitalized due to malnutrition and dehydration. That was the toughest time for my husband. He kept on telling me that he can no longer hang on, and that he is giving up. My heart was crying out loud but I don't want him to see my crying. I would only cry out loud where no one is around. Still I have to be tough and used PRAYER as a tool to comfort him and to give me strength. We always see to it that we pray in a daily basis with our hands clasp together. I always make sure that I always tell him "I love you dadi", kiss him everyday, and show my LOVE for him everyday.
(at this time, while writing this - i can't help but cry)
On the 3rd week of January 2010, he pleaded his sister to bring him back to our home in Bulacan. His dad and his sister was startled. Wondering why he would prefer going back to Bulacan when he is INDEED at HOME where he used to live. So, his sister drove us back to Bulacan. To their surprise, dadi Marlon was very excited going back in Bulacan and he requested to stay at my brother's house because my sister in law asked him to stay with them so that they would have a chance to look after him as well. They all promised him that they would take good care of him.
(i can hardly see... tears are continuously running down my cheeks)
When we finally reached my brother's home (Junix), we was happy and kept on telling my sister in law that he will eat well and he will behave well. He keeps on gesturing a "thumbs up" to Junix with a wink. He laughed and played with my father and asked my mom to pray with him when I am at work. He hugged and kissed our lovely daughter Marsie and played with my 2 nieces Sarah and Jasmine. He joked around with my brother Rowell and had a nice chat with my uncle Martin and aunt Peria. He teased on my cousins Jerson and Anne. These were the happiest moments of dadi Marlon before he left.
And the most touching moment my family had with Marlon was the last 2 nights before he left. Everybody was awake because he was awake and kept on talking about anything he can think of. He laughed with us if he's telling something silly. He asked me to give him a bathe. He cleaned his nose and brushed his teeth. He asked me several times to change his diapers. He kept on kissing me several times... and he kept on saying "I love you" several times.
On the night before he left I was at work. When I went home, Junix told me that dadi Marlon was singing the song of Don Moen "Thank you Lord" as it keeps on playing in the Media Player together with other christian songs which are his favorites. Mama also has a story to share with me that dadi Marlon was able to finish up his slice of papaya in which normally he only eats 3 spoonfuls. My father has his story to tell as well. He said that he can hardly swallow and he can hardly drink. I rushed down to his side, took his hand and talked to him. My father said that since I left last night he never talked at all. Despite what my father told me, I still tried to talk to him. I asked him what he wanted to drink. I asked if he wants Milk with Honey, cold water or Vita Plus. When I mentioned Vita Plus, he nodded his head. He was able to finish up about 400ml. That was around 8am.
Normally, dadi would ask for cold water every 30 minutes. But it was passed 9am, he was not asking for water. Marsie was about to go to school. I asked her to give daddy a hug and a kiss. Dadi Marlon hugged her tightly. I asked dadi what he liked. I asked if he wants me to sing his favorite tagalog christian song, then he nodded. I sang the song and Junix sang it with me. Junix was crying while singing with me. I was crying too. I saw dadi doing some gestures telling me to repeat the song loudly. So I asked Junix to sing it again with me loudly.
I was very worried about him, I took out his milk with honey, beef liver soup, cold water and vita plus. Alternately I would put onto his mouth with a straw for him to have a drink. He has his reflex to sip it but his effort is not enough to have a drink. He was too weak to sip. I was very worried about his condition, I was thinking of looking for a nurse or a doctor to put on NGT to feed him because he's no longer eating. Once again I talked to him asking his permission to look for a nurse or doctor to put on NGT to feed him. He reacted violently. Although he was not talking but his facial expression could tell me he doesn't like it. Despite of him disagreeing with me, I still insist and asked Junix to help me find a doctor or a nurse. Before we left, I talked to daddy teary eyed. This time, I didn't hid my tears. I kept telling him that I love him so much. I prayed for him... then I prayed with him...... I asked God to give him a good rest when the right time comes. I asked God to forgive us... and asked God to remove all his PAIN when the right time comes. While I was praying, daddy was crying and he was holding me tight. No words... just tears..... Seeing him that way, I sent a text message to his cousin Third stating that daddy Marlon is showing signs that he is letting go. Right after sending the message in less than a minute, my phone rung and it was Third. When I stood up, my dad took turn in watching over dadi Marlon. Right after stepping out of the house just enough to say hello to Third, my dad called my attention and asked me to check on the pulse of Marlon. My dad said, as soon as I stood up, Dadi Marlon took his last breath.
I checked on his pulse, heartbeat and breath - it was confirmed that finally he's gone with the Lord happily. It was a sweet death because he did not suffer any pain or any discomfort. He was just sleeping.
(i'm being emotional at this time... still crying)
Junix and I went to the nearest funeral parlor and fixed his funeral service and burial. Marlon's friends Pastor Noel and Pastor Alex helped us out to get a discount from the funeral service.
Marsie came home from school. She saw that her dad was no life at all and was about to be taken out of the house for embalment. She was traumatized and was crying so hard. She kept on saying, "daddy are you dead, why are you dead, aren't you coming back, why?" I took her around my arms, I explained to her that daddy is going up in heaven to stay with the Lord, and that daddy will become an angel to watch over us. She understood what I said and stopped crying momentarily. I asked mom to watch over her as I need to go with the funeral service in charge.
There's a lot more things happened and I'll cut it short this way. The Lord has helped my family to become Marlon's FAMILY as if we were his OWN. More importantly, we were able to make him happy and was able to show forth the love and care he needs.
My apologies if I shared about my husband's loss in a very lengthy email. I hope you didn't get tired of reading it as I believe you should know this. Sharing you about this will let you know me and my family. Please feel free to ask anything if you have something in mind. Just as you said honesty will break the wall and can start friendship between us.
Take care and God bless,
SuZi
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